how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
