It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
