My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I am mentally ready for anal.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
