Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
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