During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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