My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
