please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
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