I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
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