I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
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