nut hugger
The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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