It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
