its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
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