Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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