come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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