Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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