dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
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