remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
