a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Randomize
