no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Randomize
