At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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