he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
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