You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Randomize
