Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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