We need to rekindle our bromance
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
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