I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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