you guys were way drunker than both of me
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
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