It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Randomize
