I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Randomize
