life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Randomize
