Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
he wants to bone in the snuggie
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
