He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
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