hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
They are going to name an STD after you.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
