If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
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