nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Operation Purity has been aborted
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
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