If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
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