I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Randomize
