the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
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Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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