the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
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