Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
