I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
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