I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
