all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Randomize