question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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