to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Just pee around me
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Randomize
