Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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