He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
