Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
