he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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