I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
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told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
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Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
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