that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Randomize
