She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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