nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
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