She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
The adults are the big ones right?
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