the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I can't put those talents on a resume
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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