hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
