its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
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