I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Randomize
