also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
