Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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