Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
