I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
