I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
