i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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