i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
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