so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Best friends brother. Beat that.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
