Small penises have feelings too.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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