i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
