Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Randomize
