I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Randomize
