the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash