Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
So drunk, too bad you don't want this
This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
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just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
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I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!