Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
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i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
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