That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...