oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
