Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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