Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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