I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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