Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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