Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Randomize
